currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
