he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Hello my rib-scented angel!
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
