Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
