By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
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