your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
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