Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
