Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
