My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
