If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
