First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Randomize
