I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
