Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
