Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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