Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
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