rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
A+ Viking dick
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
