dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
