I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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