After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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