I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Randomize
