dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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