just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
