after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
