i need an iv and a liver transplant
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
I intend to get homeless drunk
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
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