Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
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