Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
