Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
