Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
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