I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Randomize
