I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
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