Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
