Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
