That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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