I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I supernannyed him into submission
Randomize
