So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
