idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
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