I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I need to stop coming to work sober
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Randomize
