Walk of Shame. In a state park.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
