Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
