she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
