Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
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