Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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