i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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