Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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