I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
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