Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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