I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
