Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
