I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Well I just put wine in my tea
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Randomize
