Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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