I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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