Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
