I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
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If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
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I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
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