I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
