shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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