My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize