No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
As shirtless as possible
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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