we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Randomize
