I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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