Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize