Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
