I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
