she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
