So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
