Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Im part way to drunk.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
