You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
