She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
