i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Randomize
