Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
