so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
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