I bet he comes in French.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
